Happy Holidays EveryBody! Especially Dr. Nick!

Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.

Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.

Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.

Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
Answer: So he can ho-ho-ho.

(as opposed to why is Mrs. Claus pissed at Santa? He has three ho's.)

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.

It's Christmas

So it's almost Christmas, the Season of Giving. Despite the bad economic news we hear and see everyday, I still am optimistic that things on this planet will get better in the coming years. I know, I am a total romantic douche. Whatever Yeti.

I know Christmas can be a tough time for people, personally I find the crass commercialization of Christmas criminal. But that is the world we live in, everybody needs to make a buck I guess. Still, I would like to encourage everyone to think briefly in the next few days about what Christmas should mean to us. It used to be the one time of year when somebody would cut you off on the Interstate and instead of honking and throwing a fit, you'd think, 'Hey, it's Christmas, that guy is probably trying to get home to his family...give him a break.' I am going to try to think like that more often, it feels better than freaking out over stupid crap.

I hope both the people who read this blog have a wonderful Christmas and manage to find some peace in your life even if just for a few days when you can hold a few family members or friends close and wrap yourself in some of that wonderful stuff that only humans (as far as we know) are capable of sharing, the Christmas Spirit. Pass it on.

I hate Sweeney Todd

Yeah, I see you there Sweeney Razorhands. Freakin prick, I wouldn't get a shave from you if you gave me five quid for the trouble. What an ass, all that self-pity, who gives a shit? Take a bath, loser. And why the hell would you trust some strange woman who owns the shop beneath yours? And who eats freakin meatpies anymore? No one.

Seriously if I saw you on the rainy, crowded cobblestones of Jolly Old London Town on a cold night, and if you gave me that snotty look, I'd take your razor right out of that little gay holster and 'whip whack' there would be no evidence you ever had those Andy Rooney eyebrows. You are a big pussy compared to Dr. H.H. Holmes. There is fake-freaky like you Sweeney Baby. Then there is Honest to God Freakiest Em-Effer Ever, and that's Dr. Holmes. Look him up if you like, better yet read Devil in the White City if you really want to see how these things are done. But Sweeney, give it up. You are annoying me.

$1 Never Looked SO Good

I won a dollar.
When I purchased the $1 scratch off today I was hoping for the $20,000 ultimate prize but when I just won $2 I was actually thrilled.
This small victory hopefully will transition to bigger things in 2009 and make life a little bit better.
Who knows, this extra $1 might be the winning lottery ticket somewhere down the line that I wouldn't have purchased normally.
Things are starting to happen for reasons I can't understand.
Is it just stupidity on my part for not seeing the reasons or is it just beyond my ability to see anyways.
I guess I do need to accept the things outside my control and act upon what I can control.

Jeff Fisher = ASSHOLE

Thanks to Tennessee Titan's coach Jeff Fisher's decision not to kick a 40yrd field goal when they were at 4th and 1 and down by 1 point I lost my fantasy playoff game by two points.
FUCK YOU FISHER.
You cost me at least $120.

If I ever meet you I am throwing my size 11's at your fucking head.
You ruined Christmas.
Thanks.

Ok, I feel better.

Why Couldn't Mr. Ed Have Been There....

So I was reading how our idiot ex-President to be, GWB, went over to Iraq and got a pair of shoes thrown at him by an Iraqi reporter. I have some thoughts about that obviously.

a) WTF GWB - What are you doing there now? Saying goodbye to a country you invaded in 2003 just to wish them well? You could have sent a fruitcake (oh wait, one showed up in person). Maybe you're trying to duck the shoes since it's easier to duck than the shit going on here with Detroit and the banks.

b) WTF reporter - can't you even hit a slow witted man who takes 5 seconds to transfer thoughts from brain to limbs? You need practice. Maybe while you're getting anal probed in the detainment camp you can think about this.

c) WTF - couldn't it have been a woman reporter with stiletto heels?


d) WTF me - why do I even try to keep up on what's happening with the world instead of trying to rectify my own personal demons? Oh, I'm a stupid lazy American, that's why.

So in closing, I take some of my favorite comments from the article and post them here....

Calling Bush the devil, a Sadrist cleric addressing the crowd condemned the visit of "the leader of evil and terror" and said the president was humiliated in a visit that was meant to celebrate achievements.

Protesters placed a shoe atop a pole with a note saying, "Go Out USA."

Demonstrators chanted: "Listen Bush, we got you out with a pair of shoes," "If we run out of ammunition, we will hit them with shoes," and "America out now."

That's showing them G! End your presidency on a grand note.

Never Ending Thanksgiving

The holiday is over, but the family that came to visit is still around. Well, not just around, but living in my garage. It's one of those things that happen which shows to me that Life isn't anything more than Drama on steroids.

I know, I know, it's all that Karma coming back to rip open my anus. Yes, it is. But could it at least check my prostrate while it's at it?

Here's the Manson Family during my Inlaw's 50th Wedding anniversary Party.

What are these for?

Just wanted to throw this up here in the hopes that some of the million morons traveling on I-80 between Colorado and Chicago during Thanksgiving can see what this is and when you are in the left lane of an Interstate Highway over a National Holiday barely going the speed limit YOU SHOULD GLANCE AT EVERY FREAKIN ONCE IN A WHILE.