Shaping Reality

There are events in my life that sometimes suggests the paranormal or a higher force watching over me. (If that was the case God would have a lightening bolt strike me down.) Anyway, the thinking of something and actually having it happen or similarly-related item happen is when I find it hard to swallow that these events are chance or statistical probability. Take for example what happened last night into today.

[feel free to do your own Wayne's World flashback arm dance – deedalooo-deedallooo-deedalllloooo…..]

I had a dream. Not that all men were equal, but of my friend Scott. I was cleaning and folding up a jersey from our street hockey team of the late 80' s - the Firestarters. [Scott was, and maybe still is, a HUGE Stephen King fan and is responsible for me actually reading for fun – The Stand was the book that pushed me into that realm.] He was there with me and I said we should get the team together for a reunion of sorts. Kinda weird to dream it, but I do know why I did. Earlier last week I was organizing all my papers, sports items, etc. from moving boxes. I came across the old jersey as well as the newsletters we did regarding the team. So my subconscious hooked onto that and hence the dream.

When I came out of that dreamstate I began thinking of the guys on the team. Some of them I kept in touch with through college and others never seen again or barely seen. One of these gents, Hugo Spindola, is the son of a doctor who lived across the street from the football field. We hung occasionally and lost touch when I went to college.

Until this morning.

23 years later I get a Facebook friend invite from, yup, Hugo Spindola. One of the kids I was thinking of this morning as I was trying to shake the sleep from my eyes. The same man I haven't THOUGHT about in all these years. I mean, not even a hint of a thought. He was one of the folks that faded into a distant memory along with almost everyone else I have met from day one of life. So now he's not there. He's back to the front of my mind.

The central figure in the creepiness of how life works sometimes and how the world is definitely a mystery I'll never understand.

Kinda like women. But that, my fellow reader, is another story for As The Yeti Burns……

Go Cubbies

I am torn because Loki left an image out of his blog and I so want to rag on his team because that's what friends do (plus he has a misguided view of the Yankees) - BUT - they did do a favor and kick the Met's asses last night. Damn I would LOVE to see the Metropussians bounced from the post season as well.

Oh fuck it....

Cubs Make Playoffs, World Near End?

With all due respect to the Yankee fan, I don't consider myself a Yankees hatuh. You have to give a shit about something to hate it. To me, the Yankees are like the fly on a water buffalo's ass somewhere in India. If that fly had the biggest-mouthed morons rooting on earth rooting for it, that is. So while I don't really follow the Yankees, not many people had reason to this year, as the billion dollar juggernaut that is the Yankees, with a payroll larger than some countries, who fired their coach for poor performance, will play out the string with not a single playoff game to show for all that money. What a rotten end for Yankee Stadium, to end on a 'L'! Poor sad Yankee fans. Sad face! Meanwhile Joe Torre is kicking ass out in LA. Weird huh?

Oh, and Yankee Stadium is the 'most historic sports venue ever?' How about the Roman Colisseum. I mean Celine Dion never rocked there, but still you have to give the edge to the building that was having its floor covered with blood and guts 3,000 years before Steinbrenner had his first heart attack. And it will probably still be standing 3,000 years after the next skybox-filled Yankee Stadium falls apart. Of course, New Yorkers think history began when the first New Yorker spilled a beer on the second New Yorker so try talking sense to them. Oh, and 'weeds on the wall' at Wrigley? At least Chicago isn't so dirty and disgusting that nothing green grows there.

But I just wanted to note that my beloved Cubbies DID make the playoffs this year and for us Cubs fans that is news. Of course, it may be bad news for the rest of civilization, as it could mean the end is near. I watched the Cubs clinch at a local alcohol establishment with a few goombas (one of them a Yankee fan who is actually an all right guy at times). The game was exciting only in the fact that the Cubs scored three runs on a bonehead bases loaded error by the Cardinals' left fielder and never relinquished the lead. And that it was the fourth time in my life that my team has made it into the post season.

Here is a short list of things that happened the last time the Cubs won the World Series:

Teddy Roosevelt was president (not Franklin Roosevelt, TEDDY)

The Cub Scouts of America was founded

The first Mother's Day was observed in the U.S.

Isn't it time? I mean, even a Cubs hater has to say enough is enough. Have some pity! There are people who have lived reasonably long lives and who have lived and died with that team for 60 years and never even seen them get INTO the freaking World Series, let alone win it. Is it embarrassing? YES! Can you think of any reason that a big-market team goes AN ENTIRE CENTURY WITHOUT GETTING THAT GODDAM TROPHY WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS STICKING OUT OF THE TOP OF IT? Well, I have thought long and hard about it and I can't.

Man, it sure would be great to win it all, not to get my hopes up. Go Cubs. And if it's not too much to ask, I'm also going to wish that the Chicago White Sox blow up and lose out to the Twins, and if the Mets fall apart it wouldn't break my heart. OK, that's my baseball wishlist.

I am Legend - Da Bronx Version

I'm sitting here trying to think of a title for today's Sunday blog. Normally I'd be all over football since I just can't get enough of the sports. But this Sunday is different. This afternoon I am not watching the NFL at all. Why? ESPN has been running back-to-back-to-back specials on Yankee Stadium and it's history. The moments that have been seen there are just amazing.

For all you Yankee haters, go piss off. You can't and shouldn't open your mouths or type a single negative word regarding the history this Baseball Cathedral owns. None of your stadiums or teams can match this legacy – not even combined. Chicago? You have weeds growing on your wall. Boston? You finally make it to the World Series and win in how many years? That wall? You even had to sell seats on top of it to spruce it up. No other team comes close to the events and memorable moments (not just for Yankee fans - ask George Brett, Jeffrey Mayer and Aaron "fucking" Boone), just admit it.

I am not just talking about baseball history. There have been football, boxing, religious and even political milestones here. Granted they were before my time basically, but it still doesn't distract from the aura of the place. Concerts have also been held there and I in fact saw U2's Zoo TV tour. With baseball history you have perfect games, no hitters, and numerous World Series games. Even a perfect game in a World Series.

So what that you hate Steinbrenner or the Yankees. Ever think why? Are you just suffering from jelousy or mild retardation? Can you seriously hate Yogi Berra? Mickey Mantle? Joe DiMaggio? Roger Maris? Phil Rizzuto? Lou Gherig? Puhlease. No way anyone can hate Yogi. I can see hatred towards that cocky Reggie Jackson and fireball Billy Martin. But that gets softened by the likes of Don Mattingly, Thurman Munson and Bernie Williams. And who didn't respect Joe Torre?

Listen, you'll all think what you want, but in my opinion there is no other sporting venue with a past like this Stadium. You can even ask the visiting players. They know and respect the history involved.

For me, my relationship with Yankees stadium only goes back to 1989 when I went to my first game. It was actually Tommy John's last game as a Yankee and the last game he ever pitched. The Yanks went on to win 8-6 and I had field level box seats. That year I went to one more game and that was the last home game of the season versus the Tigers. Yanks lost 5-3 in this finale. I have kept probably all the tickets to the baseball and football games I attend (even hockey, plays, concerts). I have 25 for Yankee stadium. Next closest is Coors Field with 7 and Shea with 3 games. So, despite the fear of having to park near the deserted railroad tracks and walk the desperate path through the gutters, shady vendors, and drunks and walk the tube over the parking lots, I went to many more games over the dozen years than other ball parks in the area. There is a reason. You never know when something Historical will happen.

In the early 90s I was poor and my attendance reflects that. For 1990 to 1996 I went to seven games. One was my first game vs. the Red Sox and I sat in the bleachers since tickets were hard to get. If I recall that was the game I sold a black plastic garbage bag being used as a rain parka for a beer. Good times. In 1994 I sat behind home plate at opening day with some chick I was banging. Couple months later I was again in the bleachers to see the Red Sox win 1-0 and again in 96 (skipping all of 95) to see the Sox win 4-2 while being in a field box. I should have kept banging that chick to get some better seats. Oh well.

Starting in 97 I tried to renewed interest in the team after they won the 96 World Series. I remember the night they clinched too. I was down in NYC after watching Beauty and The Beast at the Palace theater (and yes I have that ticket stub)and stood in front of the ESPN zone in Times Square glued to the TV. Well, me and hundreds of others. Looking back it's strange remembering John Wetteland get the same and Moe doing the set-up. Turns out that was John's last Yankee memory too.

But it wasn't to be a large visit to Yankee Stadium in 1997. I only could muster 2 games but I did get to see Andy Pettitte win and then lose. Moe got a save in the first game. After that loss to Cleveland in the championship series I saved up some bucks and went to the 98 American League Championship game vs the same Indians. We won and Wells continued to add to the framework his 98 perfect game. That same year El Duque and the Yanks went on to whoop the Padres in the Series.

The next year, I went to six games and the most I went in one year. I was able to see my first extra innings game (a loss to Kansas City) and I missed David Cone's perfect game by one night. I had gone to see the Braves the night before he smoked the Montreal Expos (remember them?). I saw Glavine beat up on Clemens in his Yankees stint and Andy won a couple for me. Hideki Irabu pitched and I was there to see his first game (a win) and then later a loss in the last game I saw at the Stadium in '99. I also got to go to Monument Park for the first time (and last) also. No moment in Yankee stadium made me more emotional than seeing that piece of history up close. Hopefully the new stadium will have them where the public can see them also. [If I can ever find those pictures I'll post them, but the problem with us pack-rats is we keep pictures all over the damn place]

The Yanks won in '99 Series vs the Braves and in 2000 we expected more of the same. We got it. I remember the Subway series. That was the year I got my second and last, speeding ticket trying to make it home to watch the game. My second Clemens game was a win and my second extra inning game was a win against the Phillies. Unfortunately, after this I only went to three more Yankee games at the Stadium.

2001 was the time of the Terrorists attacks and right after that I left the area for sunny Colorado. But before that horror, I went to the opening game and watched the Yanks kick Royal ass from the upper deck. Then I saw the Yankees finally beat the Sox (thanks Andy!) and my last game was an ass-kicking by the Rangers. Despite that drubbing and the assholes who killed thousands of innocent Americans, the Yankees stood fast and game me the two most memorable World Series games despite eventually losing to Schilling and Johnson. Kim's career got left on the mound at Yankee stadium after giving up the HRs to Brosious and Tino. But in 2002, while the Yanks played on I was gone never to see the old Stadium from the inside again.

But I did get to start new memories out here. I saw the Yanks win in Colorado and then got to see the Rocks make their first World Series in 2007. But that's them. This is about the Yankees today and how I remembered their Stadium.

 

Now some boring facts.

Most teams seen – Boston and Mariners (4)

Month went most – July (6)

Win/Loss of games attended – 13/12

Winning Pitcher – Andy Pettitte (6-1)

 

Final thought – I have been at the stadium during day games, night games, high heat and cold. I've sat in the good seats behind home plate and the nose bleeds in section U. I've seen a child be mocked and heckled for blowing soap bubbles by drunken idiots and I've seen people in the bleachers hand out free food to others. So while you can try to hate George and hate Yankee fans I suspect they are not unlike your own team's fans. They're just better than you so DON'T BE A HATER, PLAYAH and bow before the altar of baseball history and lore located in the Bronx, NY.

Yankee stadium – R.I.P.

Oh, I still need a title, don't I…..damn…..

I’m Thinking….

So I had a couple items to discuss and wasn't sure which item to cover. Instead, I will do a three for Thursday!

1. The collapsed Minnesota bridge is now open for business. Our company finished the bridge 3 months early plus under budget and in doing so it's worth an additional 20 million bonus. There are some cool perks with the new bridge. A system of sensors and camera will feed info on the traffic flow, accidents, stalls, etc. to a management center. Other sensors activate de-icing systems and they can also detect intruders into unauthorized areas. Plus the data from the loads and vibrations of the bridge are sent to the computers in a control room near the bridge. From there, engineers at the Minnesota Department of Transportation and researchers at the University of Minnesota can download it for analysis. Way cool and congrats to those workers for enduring the bitter winters and freakin hot summers 24/7 to get it done.
   
   
   
2. A WTF moment this morning going to work. I'm getting ready to got onto I-25 when I see a semi pass underneath my overpass. Smoke was just billowing our from what seemed to be the trailer. Turns out when I cought the prick his smoke from the exhaust was billowing toxic fumes. So much it was like a fog bank was following him as he drove. My opinion is that asshole should have pulled into the truckstop area at Johnson's Corners and got that shit fixed before he caused an accident. I also think I shouldn't have flipped him off. But too late for that.
   
   
   
3. So, do we want a VP who doesn't understand the technical world of email and conducts state business using an unsecure Yahoo account? Even my non-educated, technophobic wife can now use email and is starting to figure out fourms and email etiquette. I am now considering voting democrat despite wanting to bang Palin in the ass. Oh well. Where is Ross Perot when you need him.
   
   
   

Bonus.

Ever go into a Wendy's and see some lady snapping digital pictures at the cashier and the other workers while carrying a notepad and looking like a proud mom watching her daughter at her first job? Well, I did and while my brain was trying to process what kind of retard would spend their day doing this the answer came out. The snap-happy lady works for a local paper and this Wendy's was in the running for winning a Customer Service award out of about 6,000 restaurants across the country. Too bad they fucked up my order or I would have definitely voted for them.

Loki - Part 2 - How I lost the Denver City Amateur

When we last left Loki, he was tied for the lead at the amateur. Let's look at how Day 2 went

But it was not to be. On Sunday I got to the course, and parked in the same spot. And that was about all Sunday had in common with Saturday. It was about 45 degrees when we teed off, freezing cold and damp and dark. I hit a nice first drive, but when I had to bend it around a tree, it just didn’t bend, so I ended up with an uncomfortable 50-yard chip and I shanked it. And it went from there.

I just didn’t have even my C-game on Sunday. They had lengthened the course considerably, we were teeing off from tees so far away I hadn’t even noticed them on Saturday, and I just couldn’t seem to get my irons to go where I wanted them. The pin placements were so tough that both of the scratch golfers in my group struggled almost as much as me, the pin would be on the crest of a hill, or right in front of a long slope so that if you didn’t actually hit the cup, it would roll all the way down. I t was like a different freakin' course.

On the front (which we played as the back), I hit the green in regulation on number 5 and thought, ‘OK, this could start something good.’ But unfortunately I had hit the wrong side of the toughest green on the course. Four putts later (everybody in my group three-putted that fucker), I had a double bogey instead of a birdie. And I honestly don’t think any of my four putts was particularly terrible, they just had put the pin in a tough spot.

Plus I found OB and water once each, when I had avoided hazards all day on Saturday. We started on the back and I struggled to a 45, which I was actually pretty happy with. I thought, ‘just one more 45 on the next nine and you can still win this (it would have).

But where I screwed up the back to back par-5s on the front on Sat. I royally fucked them up on Sunday. Hit the fairway on the first one, bent a 3-iron around a tree perfectly, and it went really downhill from there, shanked it twice in the same tree, then again for fun, then 3-putt. After the carnage was over I had a 10 on my card. Next par-5 I got an 8. It was over then, you just can’t overcome being eight over par on two holes when your modest goal is to be 9 over for 9 holes. I limped in with a 55, netting me a nice fat 100 for my Sunday effort.

I was pretty disappointed, mainly because I shanked away at least seven or eight shots. Had I not had that problem come up again, I would have had a shot, if I’d dropped some putts and hit my driver a little straighter. So was kind of disappointed with Sunday. But I achieved my goal of never once losing my temper or getting upset. Even when I had to tell the Mexican guy who had my card to write down a ten, I didn’t get mad at all, I kept my cool. I was just ready to get to the next tee. It was tiring, walking 18 holes under tournament conditions in two days. I don’t know how the pros do it, they must have something wrong with them. It just wears you down.

But overall it was a great experience. I finished tied for 28 out of 57 or so golfers. I got a nice set of grilling utensils and some sun. So I screwed up Sunday. I really don’t think it was pressure because I never felt any. There was no gallery, and no sense, other than sign-in, and going to the scorer’s table afterward to sign the cards, that this was anything other than a round of golf with strangers. I’ve felt way more pressure golfing with Yeti and Butters or with my father-in-law, where there are bragging rights and ego-stuff at stake. I think I just wasn’t consistent enough and when I shanked that first pitch shot on the first hole, it kind of hung around in the back of my mind.

So that is my super-long story of how I led—and lost—the 2008 Denver City Amateur tournament. I am going to play in more tournaments next year, I think it really helped me focus, and I know I’ll be a better golfer for having competed with some really good golfers, and even beat some of them. Next year I’ll have to get Yeti and Butters to play, it’ll make the Busta Nut Cup even more thrilling!!!

Saturday
8 Fairways
7 GIRs (including a stretch of five in a row, with 2 birdies)
Gross 80 (minus 12) Net 68

Sunday
6 Fairways
3 GIRs
Gross 100 (minus 12) Net 88

Overall
Gross 180/Net 156
T-28

*FYI - GIRs = Greens in Regulation

Loki - Part 1 - How I led the Denver City Amateur

So I had a little golfing adventure over the weekend. Over the winter, Yeti and I went to the Denver Golf Expo and like a couple morons we both signed up for about 100 different things. Mostly we tried to win free golf or food (or pretty girls attention...) and all we won was junk mail. But one thing we signed up for was Golfhub.com.

In addition to having far and away the hottest booth babes at the whole show, we thought the idea was pretty cool. You give them your email address and they send you lists of discounted tee times at nearby courses. I can see myself using something like that much more when I am retired, so I can play Arrowhead on a Tuesday morning for $60, which is like 70% off, so given our lack of vacation days this year, we didn’t use Golfhub much. But I do glance at the emails among the flood of crap in my inbox.

So.

I was reading my weekly Golfhub email a few weeks ago that was promoting the Denver City Amateur, it’s like $150 for two days of tournament golf at Denver City Park Course, down by the zoo. It’s a handicapped event. At first I thought that meant I could take the Yeti and get a great parking spot. But it turns out it meant that they looked at your handicap and figured it into the final net score, which evens things out for those of us who can’t par every hole at will (God I hate those fucking people who can do that, one day I will be one of you fuckers!!!!)

So I thought, why have a handicap if you don’t use it. So I signed up. I was nervous because I’d never really played in a tournament before by myself, played a few in high school, but that was back just after the Civil War and it’s hard to remember that far back. So I practiced quite a bit, I’d hit a bucket of golf balls after work, sometimes putt at lunch, try to get in 9 whenever I could.

Oddly enough by middle of last week I was feeling pretty good, I was hitting the ball pretty well and wow I was even putting OK. So I stopped playing actual rounds and just went to the range and focused on hitting my driver where I wanted and putted. I knew that I would need to hit my driver, because the City Park course is over 6,700 yards from the tips, so on most holes even a great 3W off the tee to be safe would leave me a freaking 4-iron in, and if the greens were hard, I wouldn’t have a shot at a par unless I scrambled my ass off. So I just worked on those two things and figured, even if I totally suck, I can’t be the worst guy out there right?

Saturday morning I got up early and went down to Denver, registered, had me a little breakfast and went to the range. Wow, I thought, there are a lot of pretty serious-looking golfers here. Not one big old fat guy in the whole field. The majority of the guys playing were really good, lots and lots of scratch golfers and more than a few with positive handicaps (these guys are so good, THEY HAVE TO GIVE THE GOLF COURSE SHOTS INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Man those guys really do piss me off!!!!) Fortunately there were still a handful or two of us normal dudes, double-digit handicappers out trying to cherry-pick the net (your score minus your handicap) and hope to go low and have a shot at winning something, even if it was just a knob-job from the wife.

So I warm up and get to the tee a few minutes before my time and met the dudes I was golfing with. One guy was a little Goombah guy, from Denver, he grew up two blocks from the course we were playing. He’d only played the course like twice a week for forty years, not that much of an advantage. The other guy was a really cool skinny little English dude, reminded me of a skinny Colin Montgomerie, super nice guy.

One thing about the City Park Course, for good and bad the holes are pretty similar. Not many hazards, water on only two or three holes, there are several holes with OB left as the course is hemmed in by city streets, but lots of straight par-4s. Yeti was kind enough to break down the course for me over XBL the night before the tourney, we had played there last summer. He reminded me of a lot of stuff I had forgotten (he had kept the card, that guy hangs on to everything, 40 years old and still has his baby fat for chrissakes.) Then I get to the tee, and they had switched the nines, so the front nine was the back nine. So much for all that careful preparation. So I double-bogied the first two par-5’s. Nice to start out 4 over after 2 holes.

Then I settled down and got a couple pars. The course is sort of weird in that you can hit a drive in the fairway (which I did a lot for some reason, rare for me) and still have a freaking tree hanging in your way. So it was for me on #9. I hit a pretty big drive (it’s really long par-4 (446 yards from the tips, the black tees, where we played from). I was on the left side of the fairway. But Johnny Fucking Appleseed had decided he needed to plant a big-ass cottonwood right there, so it was right in the way of my usual left-to-right iron shot.

The wind was blowing a little from right to left, a nice draw wind, and there wasn’t much trouble right, just some light rough. I figured, ‘I’m 7 over, I can get one back here if I can pull this off.’ So I decided to shape my shot and hit a draw around the tree. Holy shit, I pulled it off perfectly. I started it off just to the right of the tree branches, and it kind of flattened out and jetted gently around from right to left, riding the wind until it bashed into the green and stuck about eight feet from the cup. The English dude was like, ‘I say, best shot all day.’ The Goombah guy was like, ‘Dude, did you do that on purpose?’ Somehow I made the tricky downhill putt and just like that, I had shot a 43 on the front. Not too bad!

The back 9 is where the course gets pretty monotonous. Just one straight par-4 and par-5 after another. But here is where that helped me. I just got used to standing up to the tee, mashing my drive, hitting an iron near the green and scrambling for my par. I am not usually a good putter, but I reeled of five one-putts in a six-hole stretch, one for birdie and the rest for par, and some of them were more than 30 feet. I just had the feeling that I could make every putt I looked at. If I got on the green, I could make it. It was kind of weird and dream-like, they talk about ‘the zone.’ And I never know what that means, but I was in it on Saturday because I just kept hitting shots and wasn’t thinking much. Except maybe how hot it was or wondering if Butters was rubbing hot oil on himself. Shows how focused I was when even a thought like that didn’t distract me.

So I got another birdie on the back 9 and thought, ‘Holy crap, this could turn out good.’ I had not even added up my score on the front. I just told myself I was going to think just about hitting the ball where I was aiming and making putts. I guess it worked. I had the honor from the Goombah and old Colin even though both of them had lower handicaps then me. One memorable line, the Goombah who thought he was pretty good, was getting frustrated that I was tying or beating him every hole, he wanted that honor on the tee (I never did relinquish it the entire back 9).. I scrambled my ass off and made a 20-footer for par to tie him and retain the honor and he said jokingly frustrated, ‘You just don’t want to give up the (tee) box do you?” I said, ‘No, but that does sound like my ex-wife.’

So we get done and I shot a 37 on the back. I had been desperately wanting to break 40 for nine all summer, it had only happened once or twice, and it just felt so good. So all up I shot an 80, which with my handicap (they rounded my 11.3 up to 12 because the course was so damn long) , and my net score was 68. Four under par. At golf tournaments they put numbers under par in red. So I sign my card at the scorer’s table (we all kept each other’s score), and had some lunch with old Colin We were having a beer when my red 68 went up on the board. Colin clapped me on the back. ‘Well there you go, you’re playing with the big boys in the last group tomorrow.’ Only one other guy was in red numbers.

So that is how, on a whim, I entered the Denver City Amateur and after the first day of the two-day tournament I had a share of the net lead.

I was in disbelief. I wanted to shout and on the way home I did. It was the first time in my adult life I had accomplished anything athletic of any note at all. I had really done well under pressure! I had stayed calm and steadily worn down the golf course, instead of the other way around! For the first time since last summer when I shot a 79, almost every shot went right where I planned it to go. I wasn’t even nervous about Sunday, I was just soaking in the moment. My moment!!! That night I had a great dinner with my wife, she made prime rib and we drank a lot of red wine and a bunch of stuff happened that I can never write about. I called my dad and my wife’s dad. Everyone wished me luck.

Golfing Has Perks

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

Garret Don

The kid arrived.



Mom is healthy.
Big bro Lane is happy.

Grandpa is tired.

As The Yeti Burns

So join me today in another episode in the 40-year saga of "As the Yeti Burns".

We join our hero as he sits brain-dead from a week's worth of work crammed into not even a full day due to the fact the CFO canned the interim IT Director while the guy was on vacation in Hawaii. When this bombshell was tossed upon the IT staff the wheels of panic kicked into overdrive. Not only did the IT department have to change their passwords it was determined that ALL employees needed to do so. Luckily for our hero they decided this at 5:30pm MT when 90% of the company was already home eating dinner with their picture book families. This meant the next day they would be hit with an avalanche of pissed off and confused users. Our hero tried to warn them by pointing out the flaws in this over-reactionary processes. But noooooooooooo. Like the woman bitched about in the other post, they just projected horrors if this didn't get done.

Well, horrors it was for our beloved hero and the other SupportCenter technician. Not only did they get swamped with calls, but also emails and electronic tickets. So far it was idiot IT staff, 0 – outraged clients, 40+ and counting. Luckily the Yeti can work and work without stopping for breaks – almost no breaks. Free pizza was delivered so you know he had to go get him some of that. Uh-huh. You go Yeti.

Anyway, this is where we join the man of the hour. Sitting quietly. Rubbing his head wondering why the day isn't over yet. Pondering how this could get worse for him and the staff around him. Wondering if the rumors of the bad, bad IT guy who supposedly read the CFO and HR Director's email; possibly fudged outsourcing costs; had a password crack application on his personal system; and was a dick to other managers and staff was true.

He sighs knowing tomorrow will be just as fun as today despite the fact he won't be in the office. He has the day off.

Unfortunately it's going to be spent at the hospital waiting for his new grandson to greet the world. Greet his slacker grandmother who really thinks she can make money selling crap on Craigslist; his misguided mom who still probably loves the cheating father who kicked her out of the house while pregnant; his cheating father who is trying to control the mom despite trading her in for a different (and supposedly fuglier) model; the troubled aunt who, despite trying to be an adult and keep a job and apartment is still drinking and driving; the uncle who loves his new hobby – bar fights and being arrested; and finally the worn down grandpa who is now suffering the mental and physical pains he thought he was immune – tendonitis in his arm; a bum knee that just started to hurt; back aches; head aches; mental stress and anxiety.

Join us next week for more drama – As The Yeti Burns.

Women – by Yeti

This post's opinions and views are not shared by my sparsely blogging co-conspirator and reflect in no way shape or form his humanity and morality.

Now that crap is out of the way – some women are evil, stupid, self-centered, mentally ill, psychologically imbalanced whores who over-react to simple situations that most normal humans shrug off as irrelevant bullshit.

No background. No story. Just a thought that needed to be expressed so I don't post naked pictures of her on the internet and discuss her life style choices that would make John McCain keel over dead in two seconds.

EA Sports – Redemption?

So after the partial disaster called Madden 09, I was hesitant about getting Tiger Woods 09.

But after downloading the 1gig demo I started to feel that the division that produces the game had their heads nowhere near their asses. In fact they should actually take over the Madden game.

Late last week I purchased the game and proceeded to go into the online mode and bust challenges until 2am. Same for when I actually started a career and could see other people's posted challenges when I played courses on my local XBOX. Way cool!! This means that when I plop in the game and play a course I have the opportunity to see how good other people played the course and possibly beat it to earn Gamernet points.

For example, I was playing round #2 at Sheshan Golf Club in China when I saw a little icon on the fairway. Turns out a gamer, let's call him ApacheD, had drove the ball 295 into the wind and posted the challenge. So I hit it 310 and beat his challenge and collect 72 points. Same thing for hole 4 when I saw a 9" circle around the pin where IntenseNewman had dropped a chip shot. So I holed it out for eagle and was able to POST MY CLIP online immediately for others to try and beat. Awesome I say! Now if anyone logs into the online portion they can see my shot as an individual challenge or they can see it if they play the course themselves.

As for the non XBOX Live parts of the game, they still are very good. You now have a coach that will customize drills for you based on your play during the 18 holes. So if you screw up driving a ball into the fairway he might suggest accuracy drills for your driver. If you chip onto the green 30 feet from the pin, then he'll suggest some chip drills. Passing the drills enhance your player's attributes and help him/her get better within the games.

Buying equipment can be done using your tournament and Tiger Challenge winnings or with real money through Microsoft's XBOX Currency – XBOX Live points. Now I am not thrilled about this since these points cost me real money. So I will try to earn my $$ on the virtual course so I can buy a new freakin hat.

Also, after you do your drills and buy equipment you can tune them to either enhance accuracy, draw/fade ability, distance, spin, etc. at no cost. Just realize what you enhance in one ability decreases others and shrinks your sweet spot so you won't always hit a ball exactly right. In some cases by enhancing the sweet spot you decrease the other attributes. You do all this tuning on a driving range too. You can hit your tuned clubs and tweak them while all the time the hit coach can provide some advice. Don't like the tweaks? Don't save the club. You'll revert back to the original setup.

All and all I love the game and probably will find more faults in it as I play more.

Faults? Oh yeah, the crowd. Get rid of the gay ass gallery. They look the same, act the same, do stupid shit standing there the same. They are annoying and unnecessary.

Well, except for one time. When Randy lined up towards them with his driver and nailed a guy in the nuts. No foolin. He fell to the ground grabbing his groin and the others around him either looked shocked or laughed and pointed. That's was the lone bright spot of these yahoos.

http://www.easports.com/tigerwoods09/

Willie Wonka - That Diry Old Man

So it turns out that a hot new candy has hit the market.
It's not from Willie Wonka, I just thought it was funny we eat candy from a guy named Willie. Sounds like he sells it out of the back of a van.



Anyways my friend Randy pointed me to a new gummy candy aimed at fans of Hanna Montana. Unfortunately for whomever had this brilliant idea they missed seeing how gummy candy can look like a penis. Especially when it's tan. And doubly troubling is seeing the picture of Miley next to the candy with her mouth open - just ready to engulf this phallic masterpiece.

I am sure it'll be a cult hit.
Especially when they make the black licorice version.
Hopefully they can make the packaging big enough to contain it.