What, no oil?

So, millions of dollars spent on the Mars rover, Phoenix, just to find out the Martian dirt can possibly be used by future colonists "to grow asparagus very well".

WTF.

Like we need more of that crap.

Ick.

Now they are talking about "human colonies" and such on Mars.
Give me a break. How about we focus more energy and money on fixing Mother Earth.

Not that red-headed step-kid called Mars which we should be beating and putting gum in it's hair instead of probing with dirt scoopers.

There are no words....

The Earth lost a very funny and intelligent comedian.



God speed Mr. Carlin.

Quick Laff

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

Another Sports Post?

Yes, yes my dear reader (or readers depending on if veronica checks in) it’s another blog post regarding a sports issue.

This time it’s about golf.

The US Open partially. The other part … well, the normal bullshit.

So, for those of you who have not stopped reading and close the browser window, the US Open went to a fifth day when Tiger Woods tied Rocco Mediate on Sunday. This meant another 18 holes would be played Monday to decide the champ.

Normally, you’d have to think the #1 golfer in the world would smoke the #158 (or whatever) player. No. That is what makes golf great. Anyone can hang tough with anyone else on their level. In this case it did take for Tiger to have a knee that just had surgery a couple months before to remove some crap, but still Rocco had to beat the other 248 golfers to be in the playoff with Tiger.

Mad props to him. Especially all during the event (Thur to Mon) he was smiles. And Laughs. Just talking to everyone and anyone who’d listen. He’s a pro golf version of my friend Randy who just churns his mouth like it’s making butter for all the Amish in Pennsylvania.


For him it was one of the greatest honors he’s had in a while.
Playing the US Open – an event he’s adored as you can tell by all the pins he’s purchased from past Opens adorning his hat and vest – with the greatest golfer we might have seen since Jack Nicklaus.

For me and the rest watching it was a David vs Goliath showdown. A Cinderella story many were saying. Things did look good for Rocco after he overcame Tiger – he bogied two holes and Rocco birdied them – to take a lead with one hole left. Unfortunately he could only par the hole and Tiger masterfully made birdie to force yet another playoff. This time one hole at a time sudden death.

Tiger did win after Rocco bogied the hole but the way it played out made all the fans watching proud to root for the underdog and the champion at the same time.

Now comes the bullshit part.

I enjoy reading comments that people post after stories at ESPN.com and the 660 I read about this one writer’s kiss “Tiger’s pretty black-Asian” ass review of the Open had me rolling. Plus thinking.

Many people gave props to Rocco and criticized Tiger for appearing human – aka not destroying everyone by 10 strokes. Many tried to argue Tiger is the greatest golfer we have ever seen. Some placed him as the best athlete of all time.

This is where I drew the line and many argued against.

You can list your greatest sports figures on a sheet of paper or even mentally sort them. That’s fine. But when you try to compare each one and rank them as best to worst well, that’s when I have a problem. What makes Tiger Woods better than Ted Williams? Or Michael Jordan better than Wayne Gretzky. Even Sampras over Pele? Think Bruce Jenner is better because he could do decathalons and Jim Thorpe rocked at everything he touched? They both couldn’t out perform Ali or Nadia in their sports.

You can’t compare apples to oranges or mangos. Each man/woman defined their own sport and made them the greatest athlete within that sport. Not across all sports. Not across generations either.
So to proclaim Tiger Woods as the greatest athlete ever is a disservice to all who have played professional sports before him and presently are playing.

Eh, who really cares?

I have now slipped from the ranks of baseball enthusiast to baseball "oh, who made it to the series? really. that's nice."

So when Bud "I'm Doing it For the Money" Selig decided that baseball would no longer play their Hall of Fame Game -- an annual tradition celebrating the national pastime since 1940 -- in Cooperstown, NY the, yes you guessed it Home of the Baseball Hall of Fame -- I had to act.

I closed my browser tab and starting reading about politics.

Yes, I am not really caring about a game out of 162 other ones that the Commissioner deems unnecessary. Especially when it's a guy who can't even keep his players out of Congressional hearings about steroids and performance enhancing drugs.

A Commissioner that allowed a TIE to happen in the All Star game.

A Commissioner that allows small market teams to die (Montreal) and sell off World Series winners (Marlins).

The reason Selig is canceling this game is pure economics.
They don't make as much money playing this game then they would at a normal ball park.

He says it's because scheduling it is a chore and more difficult every year. Also players supposedly don't want to give an off day to play that game.

Whatever.

The game is supposedly for the fans. Not the millionaires who, while train hard their whole lives, are playing a GAME that we all have watched and dreamed of doing. Play one stupid game in the site of the Hall of Fame and suck it up. God knows games in Japan, Mexico, and other locations have happened.

How difficult is it to play there one time a year?

There is a site, http://www.savethefamegame.com/ , that allows you to email the commissioner and the rest about saving the game.

I won't participate.

Why?

Because as soon as baseball shoots itself in the foot and looses more of it's fan base the sooner football can step in and take hold of America's greatest game.

I'd rather watch the soap operas surrounding football than baseball. At least with football those players get arrested for a wider variety of exciting offenses other than steroid use and lying.

Drain the Snake

So I was at a training class Wednesday learning the basics of Power Point 2007. Not something I would use on a daily basis but something that might come in handy if I decided to make IT training presentations.

The day was long, like normal for classes, and we got some breaks. During one of the breaks I hit the bathroom. I stood over the urinal doing what guys do when I looked at the drain. Now, normally at work we have those fragrance discs so the room doesn't reek. But this one had a drain that kinda looked, like, hmmm, a penis.



It was like the makers of this didn't want any confusion on what should be happening at this particular porcelain device. It's like a Urinal for Dummies.
"Please remove your johnson from your Levis and aim the end with the hole over this area. Release fluids. Shake when finished."

After my second break it got me wondering if the toilet had a similar drain. Maybe an anus or asshole shape.

Sure enough, it did.

Happy Birthday!

Lego man celebrates 20 years old this month.

It was approximately back in 1988 that I got this gift from a friend when we all got our first cars. It was meant to be a good luck charm to protect us from harm.



I still have mine after all these years. It has been in a Chevy Sprint, Buick Oldsmobile, Toyota Tacoma, Toyota Corolla, Chevy Blazer, Ford Explorer and now a Nissa Xterra.

And during these times he has pretty much protected me from not only tickets (only 2), but major accidents as well (only hit twice and smacked a trailer once). Meanwhile when Eugene's got separated from his presence he rolled the car totaling it. Not sure about Scott, but I am sure he still has his as well.

Much to say about Superstition. For me I am saying Thanks and HAPPY BIRTHDAY>

Chicken Anyone?

I just love my drive to work.....

Enjoy the weekend!

Brokeback Cowboy??

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'Once, on a trip
to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers,
who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone,
but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily
tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped
out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the #$%$)@ out of all of you!'


St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'


'Just a couple minutes ago...'

Them there....

is some big ol tires.



There is probably 75,000 rednecks in Colorado that would kill just to have those tires on their Ford so they can go four wheelin in the mountains.

Shot them some deer and drink beer while listening to Kenny Chesney.

Yee haw.

Nope. I never get tired of these here necks'o'red.

The Simpsons

The Simpsons is America's longest-running prime-time entertainment series and this one phrase from Grounds Keeper Willie regarding the French captures what I love about the show, even today after 400+ episodes.

"cheese-eating surrender monkeys"

Oh joy.

Now the show's voices are getting more of what they truly deserve.


The cast of The Simpsons have signed a four-year deal that will extend the show into a 20th season with the the salaries of the stars would rise to $400,000 an episode.

EACH.


In the past, they have argued that their wages are relatively low given the huge popularity and success of The Simpson's.

As part of the latest deal, the man behind Homer(Dan Castellaneta)has been named consulting producer on the series and will serve as a writer in addition to his role as a voice performer.

Kudos to them all.
They have worked hard for over 18 years and deserve this.

Iraq War Solution

I forgot that I had this ridiculous idea on how to end the war in Iraq.

We should refit our soldier's armor and uniforms with Korans.
Then the Iraqi's couldn't shoot at them in fear of going straight to Virgin hell.

Long live Allah.