This is a copy (minus the movie pix) of my announcement to run for President of the United States found on the
Rotten Tomatoes movie forum board.
[http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?p=10326198#post10326198]
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So with the announcement of yet another Presidential candidate for ’08 I sat there thinking – WTF. How can so many unqualified unknowns just toss their hats into the ring for one of the most powerful offices in America?
This got my lazy brain going down a path of retarded day dreaming. I wonder if I could be president. I have seen a variety of movies involving a president and have absorbed some of their lessons learned. Heck I would make a fantastic President.
So, without more fluff, I hereby announce my intent to run for President of the United States. I have a basic platform and could use a running mate. More on that after this thread gets flamed and people bash me for being off topic and idiotic.
Ladies and Gentlemen of RT, I present my platform.
Illegal Aliens (lessons learned = Independence Day & Mars Attacks)
These two movies deeply impacted my stance on the issue of unwanted aliens. The defense of America at all costs versus the peaceful negotiation route is the best. I don’t want to have my brains scrambled in the White House while the First Lady gets nailed, but instead I would be in a fighter blasting the unwanted visitors a new orifice. So a vote for me is a vote for a dead oppressive alien.
Global Environmental Issues (lessons learned = Spaceballs)
President Skroob was my inspiration for how to solve the global environmental issues that threaten to destroy the planet. If elected I shall work with the revamped NASA to build a giant space ship and steal Planet Druidia's abundant supply of clean, ozone rich air to replenish our own. Of course we’ll need to use about 75% of the planet’s oil and resources to get the project done, but in the long run the benefits of our mission will out-weigh the short term sacrifices. This vessel will also be handy in case a giant asteroid is on a crash course with earth. Our administration should be able to evacuate enough wealthy men and their trophy wives to be able to repopulate a new civilization.
The War on Terrorism (lessons learned = Air Force 1)
President Marshall is a Medal of Honor-winning president who kicks terrorist butt and saves his family when the terrorist hijack Air Force One. This is the perfect frame work for my stance on terrorism. As President I personally would be involved in hand-to-hand combat versus America’s enemies. Why send someone else when you can do the job yourself.
While the Iraq strategy is not working as planned with similar arse-beating tactics, my administration has the inside scoop on what changes need to be applied to President Bush’s missteps and correct the course. When elected I shall form an elite killing force for beating down any terrorist threats in the US or abroad. The force shall be manned by Chuck Norris, Mr. T and the ever popular Steven Seagal. These three shall crush any opposition or stare them down into submission.
Moral America (lessons learned = Dick)
While the hiring of hot young interns didn’t work for Richard Nixon and eventually cost him the Presidency after the Watergate scandal broke, I have learned a very valuable lesson from this event that I can use to build upon a solid, moral White House. Interns will be supervised constantly and be 21 and over. Joe Rogan will head my White House Gone Wild website so the American public can view any Presidential improprieties live on our web-cam instead of having to subpoena secret tapes similar to those Nixon had. Of course there will be a fee for this, but all proceeds will go to the National Parks and Recreation fund.
White House Affairs (lessons learned = American President, Absolute Power)
While I admire Hackman’s portrayal of an adulterous president so craven, corrupt, and disgusting that he screws his best friend's wife, beats her up, and has his Secret Service agents blow her away when she tries to defend herself with a letter opener I do feel that was a bit unnecessary. A quieter tactic should have been employed and my administration would have the proper guidelines in place for my mistresses to be rewarded for services to the Presidential cabinet. As with Douglas’ representation as the President, I shall have my wife die a sad, but plot-driven death, so I can nail fairly attractive for their ages lobbyists. It would be the most ethical thing to do and my administration is all about ethics.
Economy (lessons learned = Dave)
Our nation is facing many economic problems that are affecting each and every American middle and lower working class family. If elected I shall use every resource at my disposal to balance the budget and work to build in more refund opportunities. The resources would include any non-governmental tax accountant who can side step all known government regulations and provide my doppelganger with the information necessary to work with government agencies. It’s hard work being president so I would advocate cloning so multiple versions of me could run the Presidency more efficiency while I focused on more important things; like golfing with ex-Presidents.
Promoting Democracy (lessons learned = Dr. Strangelove)
While my administration would try to advocate peace across the world’s nations we realize there will come a time when the United States will have to answer the world’s call for help. It’s at this time we’d employ tactics learned from President Merkin Muffley and surround ourselves with the greatest wheel chair bound, German geniuses we could find. Our Presidential cabinet realizes that not all geniuses have two working legs and we strive to hire based on qualifications following all guidelines for fair hiring processes. Also, our Big Map in the War Room will be made to match that in War Games complete with XBOX 360, PS3 and Wii stations.
Domestic Affairs (lessons learned = Escape from NY)
As President I feel that the United States needs to heal itself from within and work to build a better country one family at a time. You can not build a strong wall without a strong mortar and the people of this great country are the mortar that holds the bricks of Democracy together. Unfortunately we realize that not everyone can be helped. This is why I would propose that the state of Louisiana be walled off on its north, west and east sides and be made into a prison state. While in Escape from NY they used Manhattan as a prison island I see this as an unrealistic and unprofitable solution to a growing problem of our criminal justice system. Louisiana would be an adequate size and location to relocate any and all criminals across America. Heck, half the state has already been leveled and is in need of repair, so allowing America’s criminals to have this state as their own would save the tax payers billions in rebuilding fees.
I appreciate your Patriotism and respect your rights at Citizens of the United States.
