Happy Memorial Day

Enjoy the over-cooked bar-b-qued chickens, hot weather, extremely high gas prices and annoying insects. Maybe one of these things can be fixed with alternate fuel. Maybe a couple....

Anyway, treat your veterans right and reflect on those who lost their lives to keep us from being Red.

Remember - Butt Hugs are not legal in most states.

Cannabis Film Festival?

I am sure this DVD will sell out in Boulder and the rest of the pot smoking regions of Colorado. A cult classic. I mean, where else can you see Tommy Chong and William Shatner stoned in a movie together?

More information on the official release and updates see http://www.charlesband.com/blog/

Quickie DVD Review - Chronicles of Narnia

While I don't normally "get" the deeper meanings and references it doesn't prevent me from enjoying some movies. The movie is based on C.S. Lewis' work and suggest analogies of the Christian faith. I wouldn't have guessed it. Looking back at the movie, some of the references stand out. But it doesn't at all distract from the quality of the movie.

The film, while failry long, is in no way slow. I liked that they get right to the Wardrobe's mystical power instead of waiting for 40 minutes. That quick start opened the door for us to meet many wonderful characters and soak in the beautiful world known as Narnia.

If you have the time, I do suggest you watch this film. Even if you're an old man such as myself, you will be able to let go and get lost in the fantasy without having to do any additional rationalizations such as is a cigar just a cigar??

Bullfighting is totally for sissies

If you are a bullfighter, then I guess you can stop reading right now because I'm bringing the pain. Of course, since I'm writing this in English, I guess no sissy bullfighters will be reading this.

First, the outfits.
These clowns with their spangles and their little doilies or whatever, make the guys on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy look like gangbangers in comparison.

The hats.
I can see a ballcap, maybe one of those kind of funny golfing hats. But a huge-ass sort of sombrero with gold trim and shiny buckles and whatnot. I've never been to Spain but from what I hear, all that fancy hat money could be better spent. Maybe paving a road would be nice.

The torturing of bulls.
I have to admit that I am not into the torture of animals. I don't like the thought of it. I know lots of people hunt and that's their thing, that's cool. But in my opinion if a man is going to fight an animal, it should be fair. If you hunt, you should bowhunt, we've already got every advantage over animals (except maybe White Sox fans), so why load the dice even more? For this, bullfighting is the worst offender. For a bullfight to be even interesting, it should be a drunk Spaniard climbing the fence alone, no spangly hat, no six-inch heels or whatever they wear, maybe give him a stick. But not with a sharp point on it.

Instead, bullfighters send like 20 dudes in on horseback who poke holes in the bull with special spears for two hours, bleeding him and making him tired. After a couple hours of just pure torture, our Fabulously Dress Heroic Matador comes out in his skirt and prances around for a few minutes. Then long and short, he takes out a very sharp sword and, hopefully makes a merciful ending for the poor bull.

The whole thing pisses me off. Give the bull a chance. My favorite are the pics on Yahoo where the goofy matadors get a bull's horn right up the ass. This I see as a very nice thing. The bull gets one last shot in, and maybe there's one less fruitcake out there torturing a noble animal for profit and sequins. Morons.

How I get my News

I'm still on an Editorial Cartoon kick and enjoy the works of Don Asmussen.
heh-heh, I said "ass"

http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/asmussen/

Plus I check into Daryl Cagle's collection of Editorial Professional Cartoons from around the Globe.

http://cagle.msnbc.com/main.asp

Here's today's from Asmussen
(Click to enlarge)

Days of Thunderous Headaches....

How is it that in a progressive state such as Colorado the mental capacity of the drivers in this region is on par with Corky from Life Goes On? I would hesitate to blame it on inbreeding, illegal immigrant drivers or chemicals laced in the marijuana due to the fact many Coloradoans come from other states where they supposedly knew how to drive. I mean, come on, I'm from NY so I know my share of crappy drivers. I was surrounded by speeding idiots from CT and NJ whose idea of a turn signal was flipping you off. Those drivers were the worse followed closely by MA drivers. But I would have never imagined CO drivers taking the cake.

Pop Quiz Hotshot. You're at a five-way intersection. You're at the bottom of the "Y" wanting to take the top left fork. The oncoming cars want to make a right turn or go straight. Who has the right of way?
a) If you're normal, the cars going straight or right.
b) If you drive in Colorado, no. They think "I'll try to make that left turn and make you stop."

HELLO!! You don't have the right of way! Idiots. No wonder people are getting knocked off left and right in auto accidents out here. That is just one sampling of bad driving decisions or abilities I get to suffer through DAILY. Not weekly. DAILY.

Here are some others.
1. Red lights are just a suggestion.
2. If you're not driving with a Coors Light in your lap you're not really driving.
3. Four-Way stop sign intersections are not first come first serve. You can sit and wait until you feel like driving through them or just go even if someone is going.
4. Pets are allowed anywhere in your car and can do anything while you're driving. I kid you not, I saw a dog take a dump in the back seat of a Subaru.
5. School zones should be sped up to reaching 55 MPH before jamming on your breaks to hit 20 MPH at the flashing lights of the zone. Mind you the normal speed limit is 35 locally.
6. I can make a right on red even if you have a Left turn arrow. I'll be mad at you if I happen to almost hit you.
7. No Turn on Red Signs are just wrong.
8. Speed limit of 75 on the highway means I can do that in the left lane despite the 20 cars lined up behind me wanting to do 85. (This is how road rage starts)


Maybe it's the thin air depriving their already taxed brains of much needed oxygen, but many of these folks really need to go back to driving school. I think if you move into any new state you need to be retested for your road skills before you can drive legally in that state. Life would be so much simpler and safer.

Quickie DVD Review - 50 First Dates

I know. Adam Sandler. How good can the movie be? Pretty darn good actually. Drew Barrymore is also better than expected. It's a nice little date movie and has enough laughs from Rob Schneider (yes, Rob "The Animal" Schneider) to keep it moving at a nice pace. Cameos from Sandler's Billy Madison, Little Nicky and Waterboy posse are scattered in the film. So sit back and enjoy!

Quickie DVD Review - Kong

King King 2005 version is a monumental movie and a monumental waste of 3 hours. It takes two hours alone for them to find the hairy ape and then get the beast off Skull Island. As with the trend to remake movies, they go over the top to prove that today's technology and CG makes a better film than the original. Bull. Save your $ and more importantly save the three hours of your life you'll never see again.

Peter Jackson needs to learn that what works with the LoTR trilogy doesnt work with everything. Get to the point next time so I don't have to wear out my batteries fast forwarding through melodramatic crap. I mean, come on, 30' tall Ape captures woman and doesnt eat her? Please.

Wide screen view of blonde hanging by arms, dangling like an ornament in front of a ferocious, obscenely large ape. The beast lumbers over to the screaming woman. He grabs her and squeezes the breath from her body so she SHUTS THE HELL UP. Kong has a hang over and that broad won't stop yelling. He places the woman in his mouth and sucks her brains and organs out like a crawfish. The empty husk gets tossed into the ravine.
Movie over.

Happy Mother's Day

A bit early, but here's a link Dan sent me that captures the pure Love you should have for your Mother.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3007417704059163679&pr=goog-sl

I just love the line - You're so fat they have to jack you up to take off your shoes.

Selective Mental Effort

We all know people that make you scratch your head wondering "What the heck are you thinking" or even "How difficult is it for you to do this yourself" or the timeless "How do you even survive out here"?

Ok, so this is a work rant. Ok this will pick on two people that read this blog. Ok this targets my fellow blogger who I deemed the first lazy-ass smart person I know out here. I know I'll get mine sometime soon. But, hey, I have nothing else interesting to say today unless you want to hear about how my dog sounds like it's got old man lung and craps all over the house.

It's just that I want to just strangle some people somedays. There is no single way around that feeling. My department is filled with the biggest bunch of mentally handicapped dirt eaters. They continually do things wrong and wonder why it doesnt work right. Plus they blame factors other than themselves and bitch about it in private instead of trying to solve the problem. Hello - you're an idiot. There lays the problem. I wouldn't mind if they made an attempt to get better, but unless there is food involved the motivation level is lower than a limbo pole at a midget convention.

Then there are the folks that expect you to do everything for them. They're like Manatees hanging out waiting for a handout of cabbage or lettuce or whatever these bloated sea cows eat. Just floating in their own bodily fluids waiting for the next boat motor to slice them off a piece of Manatee pie. Can you not read a simple email and follow the steps? Does my job description say "Personal IT slave to the King and Queen of I'm too Lazy to read Your Email"? bah....I help anyway. So I blame myself for enabling this type of behavior. Someone should kick me in the nuts.

Well now that my annoyance has drifted down lower than my blood sugar level, I can sit back and go back to working on stuff other than increasing my risk of heart attack.

Hopefully your days have gone a little better than today has for me......

Bad Puppet signing off.

Prairie dog gets his

I don't have much experience with prairie dogs, I just moved here and only saw them on the Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom (great show). But I saw a kind of smartass prairie dog get his this morning. He pulled himself up out of his mishapen little hole (I guess I can deal with a prairie dog that can dig a decently roundish hole, but this thing was more like a sloppy pentagon) He was squeaking at me and my dog as we walked by. To be honest it kind of pissed me off. 'Go defend some other empty lot you little freak.'

So he popped off until we were almost past him, then everything changed. For a second, something blocked out the sun, then I saw a huge eagle jetting right at the little noisemaker. I saw the look on his slovenly little whiskery face when the eagle's talons snatched him up in to the blue. Then it was over:
Eagle 1
Prairie Dogs 0

Your day's gonna be fun when....

You see a midget driving a minivan putting on eyeliner waiting to make a left turn in a school zone.
That didn't quite seem right.
But there it was.

Bad Puppet Alert -- I Don't Kill you Why??

ok, if you're going to wear those asinine crocs please stay at home. Those are the most ridiculously ugly things I have ever seen in my life. Well, ok, maybe a close second to fat broads who wear half shirts. *shiver* Don't even get me started....

Back to the anger at hand. The population growth of these rubber eyesores is mind boggling. I can see kids wearing them, fine. Children usually get into all sorts of crap, literally and figuratively speaking, so being able to douse the shoes in water to get that grime off makes common sense. But watching grown adults trance around town in their jeans and yellow crocs makes me vomit. I should just walk over an spew right onto the fashion retard's feet. I should have that right. I should be able to rip those things off and burn them. That toxic smoke might kill them on the spot.

Also, the attempt to color coordinate those things cracks me up. I mean, bright orange? Yellow? Black I can see, but PINK? Or even better, the people who wear white thigh high socks with those. Ok, ANY socks with crocs are even more offensive. My worse experience had to be watching a classroom prof wear his bright blue crocs with white socks and high-water dockers. To top it off his button shirt was a checkerboard pattern of purple, yellow and a fleck, FLECK of light blue. Uh, I can barely dress myself, but where does BRIGHT BLUE match? Fuck it.

People are retarded, but this subset of croc owners are just killing me.
I just needed to vent. Thanks for nothing....

and so begins our path to superstardom....

Big words to live up to, but one that we'll be eager to try and attain.
Or at least get drunk and have fun doing this.

More to come.

Dan and Kevin